Agreements With Self
Earlier today, I read a quick post about how our relationships rest on a foundation of trust, and it got me thinking about how often I trust myself to do what’s right for me.
I don’t know about you, but there have been times in my life where I have wondered how in the world I would ever get something accomplished or get past an obstacle that was in my way.
The obstacle was usually me!
I would find myself saying things like, I’ll do it tomorrow, I’ll wait until Monday or maybe next month. Then next week or next month rolled around, and I was still not doing the thing I’d said I would do.
I would get upset and hear the negative self-talk start-up in my head and find myself feeling sad or mad that I didn’t keep my agreements with myself.
Have you ever done that? I’m guessing it’s a hell yes!
If I can’t keep a commitment to myself, find the strength to accomplish a task, or be truthful to myself, then what do I have left? A lack of confidence!!
Now, that’s a sad thing not to be trusting or feeling confident in yourself.
NOT TRUSTING YOURSELF – What does it look like, and how can you work through it?
Negative self-talk – Reframe the negative into a positive.
Depression – Seek some help from a professional counselor/coach.
Minimize or even deny your needs – make steps towards meeting your needs.
Can’t find your voice – start speaking out about simple things and learn to say no to things you don’t want to do.
Spend time proving yourself to others – the only person you have anything to prove to is YOU.
Compare yourself to others – you aren’t them. Stop wasting time and energy trying to be someone else.
Reliving the past – look for ways to move forward and know that your past is in the rearview mirror. However, it also helped shape who you are today. If we do the same things, we get the same results. If you want different results, do things differently?
Worry about your future – find productive ways to move your future forward.
Break promises to yourself – make smaller promises and keep them.
Unable or fail to make or keep agreements/commitments to others – say ‘no’ more often or make smaller.
Have a hard time finishing things you start – stick with one thing versus many things and perhaps pick a smaller goal. You could also work with a SMART Plan.
Disconnected to self (intuition) – stop and listen. What does your gut tell you? Pay attention to what you see and hear, not just the words.
Perfectionism – perfectionism is usually deeply rooted in our past and the idea of not being good enough. You are not perfect, and neither is anyone else. Also, please don’t let social media be your guide for how you should behave, look, or appear to the world. Questions where the beliefs of needing to be perfect come from. Maybe explore some new ideas and ways of thinking with a counselor or coach.
Procrastination – Make clear agreements with yourself and keep them. If you’re letting perceived roadblocks stop you, read this post.
Seeking reassurance – something as subtle as asking someone multiple times if they like the meal you made is reassurance seeking. This subject, like many of the others listed, can get complex. If you need reassurance on a frequent basis, seek some help from a counselor or coach.
As you can see from the list above, not trusting yourself can show up in all sorts of ways, and this isn’t even all of them, just the ones that come to mind as I’m writing this post.
Despite mistakes and that long list above, forgive yourself for your past mistakes. Set small and realistic goals and stick to them.
Believing in who you are despite the mistakes will go a long way toward rebuilding your self-trust.
Lastly, acknowledge what you have accomplished in life, as I’m sure there are many things you’ve done that you’ve not given yourself credit for.
I invite you to reach out to me for an equine coaching session or a Zoom/phone session. I’m here to support you in choosing self-trust.
With love and trust,