Today is a beautiful day of opportunity!

The words in the sentence below have been sitting on an open Word Document on my laptop for days. I’ve not closed it because I would look at it each day and repeat the words aloud.

“Today is a beautiful day of opportunity. I am exactly where I need to be. I open myself to the universe and trust in the unfolding of my life.”

Then today, while I was on a group call, my coach said to another participant, “Some people call them obstacles. I like to think of them as opportunities!” As she made that statement, I could hear myself repeating the words above and adding her words to my daily mantra.

If you read my blog post Grieving the Loss, you know that it was a short time ago, 16-weeks to be exact, since I lost a significant relationship in my life. At first, I couldn’t see anything but the grief that loss had brought to my life. Slowly, as I allowed myself to work through the process, I realized that it was a beautiful day despite the loss. Each day, I could decide; will this be an ugly day or a beautiful day? I knew I was exactly where I needed to be and that if I opened myself up to the universe and trusted, my life would unfold beautifully, and I would be okay.

So, I started to view the loss as an opportunity for something different, better, or more in my life. The hopes, dreams, and expectations had been lost, but only for that one relationship…

...not for my life or the other dreams and plans I have.

Opportunities abound if we just look beyond what’s in front of us. Here’s a shortlist of things you can do to reach for different, better, or more –

View the obstacles as a detour – as we all know, nothing stays the same. Is the situation temporary or permanent? What did you learn from the detour? How can you use the situation to your advantage?

Hope is hope, not a plan – you can hope for something all you want, but if it’s not in your plan or someone else’s, then you’ll have to create a new plan. What do you want? What dreams do you have?

Focus on what you can do and what you have, not on what isn’t – gratitude is a big one here. So what do you have to be grateful for currently?

Events and life’s situations may not always be in our control, but we can control our attitude –
Look for what’s under the emotions and see if you can’t change your thought patterns.

Sometimes we think the world is falling apart around us when faced with an obstacle or a challenge. However, take a moment to think about it. Is what’s happening, happening to you or for you?
I’d love to hear what mantra you use to help you out of a tough day?

As always,
Love Vonie

PS - Have you registered yet for the FREE Master Class I’m hosting on August 5th? Click here to learn more.

So, wow, once again, another night of weird dreams. I swear it's carbs. If I eat them too late, they seem to disrupt my sleep. When I have a dream that continues to repeat itself, I toss and turn all night, frustrated that I'm not getting a solid night's sleep. It was 3 am when the words' Three Strikes You're Out' popped into my head. The dream had turned into another blog post dream. So, I quickly grabbed my phone and texted myself what I believed to be the title for another post.

In a sleepy state of mind, I briefly thought about heading downstairs and grabbing my laptop, so I could start writing. Unfortunately, that thought didn't last long as I drifted back to sleep. I was sure I'd remember it all in the morning. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, as I completely forgot whatever the dream was about. However, I had a title, and that's sometimes where my biggest inspiration comes from.

It wasn't until later that evening, when I was on a Zoom call with my writing coach, Janna Lopez, that I truly understood the significance of the dreams I'd been having. She'd pointed out that my last blog post was inspired by my dream about typing and writing about grief. It was just the week before; she'd encouraged me to write whenever inspiration hit. It would be my invitation to connect with my words and myself.

So, once again, I was inviting myself to write. This time the words' Three Strikes You're Out' were the invitation. As we discussed this new dream, I shared that I had no clue why those words were so important. But I did know that they jumped out at me and felt important enough to a blog post title. Then, as the conversation drifted towards book covers, it hit me. I interrupted Janna mid-sentence to tell her about my lightbulb moment and what the story would be about. Janna encouraged me and told me the words would come.

They have, and they feel important enough to share.

So, here's where the story changes, where the connection to the title 'Three Strikes You're Out' comes in.

Three Strikes You're Out –

I had three rounds of chemo when I was dealing with cancer. Those three rounds were enough to kick cancer out of my body, period, end of story!

I wish that were true…

What's true is that pretty much everyone I've met who has fought cancer has this troll that sits on their shoulder. The troll is constantly reminding them, me, of the big 'C.' And that at any time, they, I could fall victim to that diagnosis all over again.

Hearing the doctor tell. Me, I probably had cancer brought on immediate fear and anxiety. Tears started to roll down my cheeks as the reality of what my doctor had just said hit my brain and then my body. The intense emotions were enough to make me want to throw up. I wasn't supposed to get cancer; I had taken such good care of myself. What the f*^k!

My life was forever changed, as I was immediately plunged into a whole new world—a world where I could allow illness to define me, or I could define it.

I wasn't cancer. It just happened to reside in my body. 

You might remember a while back; I wrote about Preparing for The Mission. Well, this was one of those times that preparation was needed, as the trail of life suddenly was filled with alligator crossings, snakes, and wild boar. I now had some new obstacles to go around and a mountain to climb, and damn it, I was going to climb it.

As a cancer survivor, I've learned more about myself, I've grown in ways that helped me see life differently, I've found peace in who I am and how I show up in the world.

I've also embraced the quote from Winnie the Pooh, "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Before cancer, as a coach and in my career as a fitness professional, I worked to help my clients believe in themselves, know their strengths, and figure out how smart they are. Now, I embrace those words wholeheartedly, as does one of my recent clients.

As the pandemic progressed, she found herself in a state of panic. She had a different type of troll sitting on her shoulder. This troll was constantly reminding her that she wasn't good enough. Unable to operate in the world as her old self, she became fearful and anxious. After a few coaching calls and a couple of equine sessions with Cody and me, she realized she didn't want to go back to who she had been. She never liked the old her very much. She was a strong woman. However, she didn't truly know her strength until faced with what life had thrown at her. It was fun to watch her strength come alive. Through our work together and her dedication to the homework, she embraced how smart she was. And she was brave enough to show up for herself and see herself in a different light. She was loving the woman she was becoming.

Working with her and my other clients reminds me that even the smallest of wins are tremendous victories and that life is too precious to let a troll sit on my shoulder.

If you are struggling with a relentless troll, book a call with me. Let's find your wins and victories and, more importantly, love and embrace who you are.

With Love,
Vonie

P.S. September will mark my second anniversary since my last round of radiation. At that time, I will be receiving a PET Scan, blood work, and a physical exam. Ultimately, the goal is a clean scan and a doctor declaring me cured. I had the type of Lymphoma that requires a two-year bill of health to consider yourself cured. I've believed myself cured since the day I decided to put on my Wonder Woman suit and kick cancer's ass.

Despite Covid, I fared pretty well through that shitstorm. I was in a place of freedom and independence to educate and teach on a different level. With the Pilates studio closed, I created an online learning platform for women to create a new level of health and wellness for themselves, of which I was genuinely grateful. It also offered the time I needed to continue my healing journey from cancer and grow in my professional career as a coach.

I wasn't expecting that as we moved closer to the world opening back up, I would go through yet another life transition back to being single again. Nevertheless, the loss has been impactful and not without a lot of deep pain and immense grief.

Through the grief, I had a variety of dreams, none of which I remember. However, one in particular stood out. I kept seeing myself repeatedly typing the words: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance- which are the five stages of grief. The title 'Grieving The Loss' kept popping into the dream. I tossed and turned. I kept waking up and brushing the dream aside. Wasn't it enough that I was living the damned dream during the day that I needed to live it in my sleep too? Argh!

Grief doesn't disappear overnight! No matter what caused your grief, allowing yourself time to process through the waves of emotions and feelings is essential; otherwise, it will bottle up inside. If you keep it buried, one day it will appear somehow or somewhere in your body. This I know!

Before being diagnosed with cancer, I was carrying some overwhelming and unbearable stuff in my life. The experience was so overwhelming that my stress levels were through the roof. I didn't feel safe; I lost my foundation for coping and couldn't see a clear path to answer my problems, so I buried it. Instead of talking to someone, I held it within.

So, if you're holding on to something, let it GO! Cry, scream, talk it out, or anything else that will help you not to keep it buried. But don't deny or bury it.

Studies have shown what I've suggested to be true. When we don't allow our grief, no matter what stage, to come out, we are left with the effects of it buried in our bodies. Here's a link to a great YouTube video from Dr. Gabor Mate about The Connection Between Stress and Disease.

I know Covid has left the world with a lot to think about. What about you? What has Covid left you with? I want to invite you to check in with yourself and identify which of The Five Stages of Grief you might be in.

Each of the stages is considered tools to help you identify and frame your feelings. They are as varied as you are. Each one of you will move through the various stages on different timelines and in different orders. Some stages will repeat over and over again.

Denial - This is the first stage, and life doesn't make sense.

Anger - Oh, let this one out. It's a bridge between you and whoever or whatever hurt you. The bridge is essential to transition.

Bargaining - This is the "if only" or "what if" stage. The past reflects back at you and leaves you wondering, what did I do wrong? How could I have been different, etc.? Know that it's not you!

Depression - As the reality of your present state sets in, so does depression as grief goes to a deeper level. As hard as it is, it is part of the process.

Acceptance - Life has changed, and you will change as acceptance makes itself known to you. It doesn't mean everything is okay- only time will help with that. But, as hard as it is to believe, you will start to have more days of feeling better than like someone hit you with a 2x4.

After being isolated at home for work, one friend of mine is struggling to get back out in the world. It's become a bit of a scary place. There is grief in that, and she's working on accepting her new reality.

For me, after three months, I've finally reached the acceptance stage. Yes, I'm still bouncing back and forth with the others, but the majority of the time, I've come to accept the situation as it is. In the meantime, I'm practicing the things I wrote about in this blog post more than a year ago.

Here's the thing, you can cry, scream, beat a pillow, talk to someone you trust, or do all of them. Repeat as necessary, even if it feels like you're vomiting your feelings. It's okay; to repeat this process until you no longer need to talk about it or beat the pillow. You are the one who gets to decide how long the process will take. NOT ANYONE ELSE.

There is no timeline on grief. With that said, you still have to get up, get dressed, and do life! If you find yourself unable to do life, please reach out for help to not end up as sick as I once was.

If you or someone you know would like someone to talk to, I'm here.

With love,
Vonie

In May of 2018, I attended a PTSD Training for post 911 veterans at the Horses For Heroes Ranch, located in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The owners, Nancy and Rick DeSantis, had created a rock formation labyrinth on their property. Fascinated by the layout of the labyrinth and the idea of doing a walking meditation, I entered the labyrinth with a sense of awe.

As I recall that day, I remember being in a hurry. It felt awkward to walk so slow and to meditate while walking. I could not quiet my thoughts, and I felt a sense of urgency to get to the center. Of course, once I got to the center, I had that same urgency to get back out.

Fast forward to today.

This week, I walked a labyrinth in my local area. Once again, I was in awe of the beauty laid out before me. Plants formed the walkway, while four rock formations represented the North, the East, the South, and the West. Standing in the entrance, I looked up to see Mt. Hood in the distance. Its beauty reminded me of the poem I recently wrote entitled ‘The Mountain.’

Once I entered the walkway, I was greeted by a pregnant statue. The world was her belly and breasts. Her hair was adorned with the animals of our earth. She was lovely. The center was home to two rock benches, two adorably cute dragons, one holding a flower and the other looking like he was ready to play. Between the two dragons sat a collection of crystals and stones. Amongst the stones were two hearts, I picked them up and held them in my hands. They were warm from the sun. One was filled with broken lines. The other was a solid white color that gleamed with the sun. One in each hand, I sat quietly on the bench and reflected upon this past year and all that the pandemic has brought to our lives.

 

           

 

I wanted to share this story with you because today’s walk through the labyrinth reminded me how far I’ve come since that first walk in 2018. At the time, I didn’t know I had cancer lurking in my body or that I would ever move to a slower pace in life. That last statement made me laugh out loud as I was often encouraged by someone I know to slow down more. Of course, we are also two very different personalities.

What cancer taught me is that life is too short. So take the time to slow down, smell the roses, enjoy life as it comes, and by all means, live life like there’s no tomorrow.

During the pandemic, how we approached our everyday lives was drastically changed, as we all found our lives forever reshaped in some way. I can already feel the earth groaning as the world opens back up and people get busier again.

I’m sure many of you, including myself, want to jump back into the world and resume what we once referred to as normal. Sure, we’ve all got things to do, people to see, vacations to get back to, etc., but I would encourage you to give yourself the gift of a slower pace while enjoying those activities.

Take the time each day to reflect on your day. To enjoy each moment as it comes and believe that you are worthy of being here on this beautiful planet we call earth.

In Love and Health,

Vonie

The Mountain

The mountain I climbed gave birth to the idea that mountains are meant to go around,
go through, climb or even demolish.

The mountain I climbed brought relief from the pain I pushed through.

The mountain I climbed brought new beginnings.

The mountain I climbed held accomplishments, results, and success for the life I wanted.

The mountain I climbed brought new relationships, new friendships, a new love for me, for who I am.

The mountain I climbed held my heart and said, you are brave, strong, and formidable like I am.

The mountain bowed down to me and presented me with the title; you are the mountain.

Author - Vonie Kalich

You’ve had dinner, the dishes are cleaned, the kids are in bed, the house is quiet, but for the television droning in the background, and once again, you’ve gotten up and headed to the refrigerator.

Opening the refrigerator door, you bend down and peer inside only to feel annoyed with yourself. This is your second trip, maybe your third to find something to satisfy that nagging feeling that propels you off the couch and into the kitchen.

• Are you hungry?
• Are you bored?
• Is anxiety or depression sending you to the fridge?

Or maybe it’s simply become a habit.

The problem is, there is nothing simple about habits. They are formed by repetition. First, we get a trigger, which leads to a behavior, and then the reward.

For instance, a few years back, I was on my way home from the barn. I was getting hungry and knew that it would be a while before I could cook a meal, so I stopped at the store, thinking I’d grab an apple or banana. I wanted something that wouldn’t ruin my appetite.

As I walked into the store, that stack of chips and other junk food the stores tempt us with loomed ahead. As I approached the chips, my mouth started to water, and I could already taste the salt. I was hungry enough to grab a bag of Kettle Chips that I munched as I drove home.

Before I knew it, I was stopping at the store regularly to purchase Kettle Chips. They became a bad habit. I would tell myself no, and then do it anyway. I would go so far as to buy the bag, eat some of the chips, reprimand myself, and toss the bag as far out of reach as I could.

When I arrived home, I’d crush the bag of chips and throw them in the trash before I even made it to the front door. Crushing the chips and tossing them out assured me I wouldn’t eat any more of them and briefly solved my problem. The reality was that the chips were a band-aid to the real problem and created another issue—disappointment in myself for not stopping what had become an annoying and unhealthy habit.

How habits are formed –

Emotions, memories, and pattern recognition occur in the basal ganglia, located at the base of the forebrain and the top of the midbrain. The prefrontal cortex, a section of the frontal cortex, is where decision-making processes, impulse control, focusing attention and adjusting complex behaviors are made.

When emotions are running high, the basal ganglia are trying to make you feel better, so the prefrontal cortex goes on hiatus as the basal ganglia take over, and your habit is formed.

Some habits are easier to change than others. Brushing your teeth is a great habit; leaving your dirty clothes all over the bedroom would be considered a mild and easily adjusted habit. A moderate habit would be drinking or overeating when out socializing. A solid or addictive habit such as smoking, drinking, or overeating regularly is hard-wired and will take a lot more effort to change.

Breaking a habit –

The key to breaking habits is to discover the patterns associated with the habit. So, identifying the triggers, an anniversary date (losses or trauma), pain, overwhelm, family issues, ending of a relationship, bullying, smells, tastes, noises, etc., is the first step. Then you’ll want to examine the patterns that show up.

• What are you feeling?
• What time of day is it?
• Where are you at?
• Are there other people with you?
• Is it before, during, or after something else?

With my example, I was hungry. I was seeking a healthy snack, but instead, I purchased chips, and they became the outward habit of what was eating at me on the inside. Once I examined the triggers and patterns, I formulated a plan for a new habit. Although I knew what I needed to do to break the habit, I wasn’t expecting resistance to the change.

Resistance to change –

If you resist the change, discouragement and undervaluing yourself can set in.
Paralysis can take over, and before you know it, you might just resign yourself to the idea that you’ll never change, and without change, we can’t grow as a person; we remain stagnant.

I’ve addressed resistance to change in a previous blog post that you can access here. In the blog post, you’ll also find some tips on helping you to break a habit you no longer wish to hold on to.

If you’d like some assistance in breaking a habit and formulating a plan to create a new habit, feel free to book a complimentary call with me.

In Love and Health,
Vonie