Six Things You Can Do To Embrace Change

In Margaret Mitchell's book, Gone with the Wind, she writes, "Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.

Benjamin Franklin was quoted to say, "In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.

I want to add to that line of thinking about CHANGE. Although it is not always convenient or easy, CHANGE, like death, taxes, and childbirth, is INEVITABLE and not always timely.

"Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." ~ John C. Maxwell

I believe this so much that I named my business A Tail of New Beginnings and added the tag line, A Lifelong Journey. As each day is a new beginning, and we all are on a lifelong journey of changing and growing.

Before I became a life coach, I experienced many of life's changes in a negative light. I would often think, if only I could go back and change this or that perhaps my life would have been better and filled with less heartache. The rearview mirror was the lens through which I viewed the world. I spent too much energy reflecting on what I thought were bad decisions and often regretted many of my life's choices. This was partly due to my lack of trust in myself and my intuition.

Through a lot of hard work and dedication towards personal growth, I learned to trust my intuition. Through trial and error, I came to realize my intuition was pretty much right ALL the time. Trusting it and myself to make better decisions has improved my life tremendously. I’m glad I’ve finally learned to listen.

Why Change?

Embracing change is vital to our health and well-being, and resistances can create heartache and disease and that being open to change can pave a safer path to growth.

As humans, there is a natural tendency for people to do what they have always done. The status quo! However, we all know that if you do the same thing repeatedly, you get the same results, and the consequences can be disastrous.

Big or small, changes will eventually touch all aspects of our lives, and without it, there is stagnation. Changes will come; they always do. It's a constant! Change can happen in a split second, overnight, and over time. We all know what a pandemic can do to cause change. Good, threatening, or ugly growth shows up if we allow it.

Resistance to change

Change isn't always easy. It takes work, and it takes patience, and changes we want to make don’t usually don't happen overnight.

Time – A lot of time can go into making changes. If you're someone who doesn't exercise and wants to get fit, you’ll have to do the work to make it happen. You'll need to establish a new routine, take the time to plan and cook healthy meals. More importantly, you’ll have to make yourself a priority to see the changes you want to make.

Fear – People are afraid that if they change, they may risk losing something or someone. There is a loss that would take place to gain something else.

Unknown – Change can be scary. If we don't know the outcome of the change, fear can set in.

Regret – Often, there is regret that goes along with not changing. If only I had done this or that.
Risk – We risk losing someone or something, our health, for example, if we refuse to see the need for change personally and professionally.

Without change, we can't grow as a person; we remain stagnant.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.” ~ Gail Sheehy

How to change?

  1. Let go of the past; it no longer serves you. If you're hanging on to the past like I was, you'll find bitterness and slow progress in finding healing.
  2. If you don't know what you want, find someone to help you figure it out.
  3. Acceptance will help you embrace change. Journal about it, become bold and find your strength. You are strong and can be a warrior for yourself; you need to see it inside you.
  4. If you don't value yourself, find someone to help you find your value.
  5. Find someone you admire who has walked the path you'd like to take and enlist their help.
  6. Find an accountability buddy—someone who also wants to make changes.

Through my own trials and errors, I have also learned that nurturing ourselves is vitally important for us to move through changes, especially with what’s happening in the world today.

So, be kind to yourself! Give yourself the grace of ease and reach out and hold the hands of the people who love and care about you. Hold space for yourself and believe life is worth every bit of energy we put into it.

You are stronger than you think!

The Language of Our Lives

Do you ever wonder why you think the things you think and say the things you say? I did and still do. As a teenager and as a young adult, I remember thinking and saying negative things to myself – something like I’m too fat? Why can’t I do anything right? You’re not good enough or smart enough.

It was all crap and made me feel bad and miserable about myself.

Today, if a negative thought or question comes to my mind, I zap it immediately. I don’t give it the space to pull me down. If I had, I’d be playing too small in life. I wouldn’t have gone to college at the age of 43. I wouldn’t have stood in front of a group of fitness students when all I wanted to do was puke and run out the door. I wouldn’t have become a Pilates instructor or managed a college fitness center. You get the point! If I had bought into all of the negative self-talk I’ve given myself over my lifetime. I’d have done none of those things!

The language of negative self-talk, where does it come from anyway?

Let’s start here –

Our brain provides us with five languages. They are the languages of our lives – sight, sound, taste, smell, and feelings. The brain is continuously engaging in conversation and sending pictures to create the reality of YOUR world and ONLY yours. As we sift and filter through the language, our minds are shaping our world. My world is different from your world.

Negative self-talk also comes from our beliefs, which influence our thinking, feelings, and, eventually, our behaviors.

Here’s an example of how our feelings are created – We start some internal dialogue, and at this point, you are the only one thinking or talking to yourself. Then an external stimulus presents itself. Perhaps it’s the neighbor’s tv being played too loud in the apartment next to you, or the kids wake up grumpy. It could be anything, right.

The sensory input triggers the brain. You put meaning to whatever it is, and immediately emotions are triggered, and then a feeling is created. It happens so fast, and no matter what the inner dialogue is, it’s always taking place.

There is also this thing called Negativity Bias.

Our brain tends to focus on the negativity of a situation, dwell on it, and experience the pain versus reveling in the joy, adoration, or praise given.

Here are an example – Teaching fitness classes, I was subject to the students' thoughts and feelings about my teaching. Twenty or more students could love what I taught, and one student wouldn’t. The sting of the negative experience had more effect on me than the positives.

 

“The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” ~ Rick Hanson

 

In a nutshell, we are the authors of our feelings. Our brains, minds, and body are complex. They are all talking to each other, and when one is out of sync, the other two will follow.

So, what does all this negativity do to our Health? It…

* Increases anxiety
* Weakens our immune system
* Reduces ambition

Chronic stress cancels out healthy living benefits, so tell the negative self-talk to take a hike.

Try this on – You aren’t the boss of me. I don’t have to listen to you. Who do you think you are coming into my brain and disrupting my flow? Get lost!

How do I change the negative self-talk to a positive one?

The first step is understanding; we go from stimuli to – interpretation/meaning to – feelings/emotions too – reactive behavior.

Secondly, slow down your thoughts, go back to the thought, examine it, name it, and then tap the temple and say to yourself, Clean, Clear, Delete. Then reframe it and change the thought.

For example, I’m miserable becomes; I’m working on being happy.

Here are some more ways to put a positive spin on thoughts

Distract Yourself – intentionally do something different. Allow your mind to focus on something positive and productive and move away from negative thoughts or pain.

Affirmations are also known to be a powerhouse in helping to replace negative thoughts. Know that what you say to yourself matters significantly.

Savor the Positive – We don’t always have negativity, so hang on to the decisive moments a little longer and let them simmer and bring joy.

Here’s an Exercise in Change. Give It a Go!

What Do You Like About Yourself?

Have a seat. Sit back, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Now take a couple more. Keep your eyes closed and ask yourself, what do I like about myself? Pick something that you know to be true for you.

What was it? Could you write it down? Then take a moment to reflect on what it is you like about you. Look at the behavior and qualities that come with the statement of what you like.

They are clues to you. They are details. They are important. Try them on in different aspects of your life. Embrace that part of you. Find more opportunities to be that person.

Taking a deeper dive

If you want to dive deeper into making positive changes and personal growth, start with examining your inner belief system. It will tell you a lot.

A couple of good questions to ask yourself: where did that negative voice come from? Whose voice is it that I hear when I talk negatively to myself? If you would like some help in taking a deeper dive, I’m here to assist.

If you take nothing away from this post, remember this, when we engage in negative self-talk, we are limiting ourselves and sometimes those around us. We are not living up to our full potential.

Cheer yourself onward and upward. It takes attention, self-discipline, and practice to stop the negativity, but it can be done.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post.

In Health,

Vonie

She Did Because She Could

Have you ever been told by someone you care about that you can't do something you wanted to do? Then you feel a more definite conviction to do it anyway. Some would call it stubbornness. I prefer to believe it is perseverance.

That's why I wrote this blog,

What would lead me to believe it was perseverance versus stubbornness?

Perseverance is persistence in sticking to a plan. It is the ability to keep doing something despite obstacles. It shows steadfastness in doing something despite how hard it is or how long it takes to reach the goal. As a virtue, perseverance is essential to be successful in many aspects of life. Perseverance doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practice, commitment, determination, patience with oneself and others, and frankly, a lot of hard work.

The ideas for my quest had been brewing for some time. I had been writing lists, setting the stage for action, and prepping myself to take the plunge forward. I just hadn't plunged yet.

Then COVID-19 made its debut, putting me back in prepping mode and contemplating the fence idea. Like many life coaches, connecting with others is essential to me.

Sitting and doing nothing wasn't going to work. I was determined to find a way to proceed and share a subject matter that I know a LOT about.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes people we love and care about don't always see it our way or eye-to-eye with us. However, looking at both sides is crucial, and it’s not to say that we won’t understand the other person’s point of view in a situation.

“Don’t find fault; find a remedy.” Tony Robbins

Trust in yourself, seize opportunities, challenge the status quo, take risks, and have the courage to be successful. Margie Warrell, a famous life coach, motivational speaker, and author of the book, "Find Your Courage: 12 Acts for Becoming Fearless at Work and in Life", challenges her readers to rethink "life scripts.” Dream big and overcome everyday fears that keep you stuck.

I love the idea of trusting to seize opportunities, especially those that will benefit personal and professional growth, all while doing something you love.

• Are you being called to action, yet, you keep sitting on the fence?

• If you could do something Because You Can, what would it be?

• What transitions would need to take place for you to move forward?

We can stay on the other side of the fence, we can sit on it, or we can jump over. Which side do you want to stand or sit on? If you would like to jump the fence, figure out what that “because you can” thing is, want to change the status quo, or want to transition forward in life – I’m here.

With love,

Vonie