Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Do you look at your body in the mirror with love or judgment?

I was talking to a friend the other day, and she was telling me how much she dislikes looking at herself in the mirror. Like me, she's getting older. She sees, what she calls, the flaws of aging. What I know, she's beautiful. I've known her as a young woman and now older. I see the depth of her, not the wrinkles and slightly graying hair of which she complains. What I have noticed more of, is her self-esteem shifting and her ideas of self-worth wavering.

After a lengthy discussion, I suggested that if she wouldn't take my word for it, she read an article that I had recently come across from Psychology Today. The article is 10 Ways to Feel Better About How You Look.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall -

Studies have shown how we view ourselves in the mirror can play a significant role in our self-esteem. If you are continually criticizing what you see, chances are you're also observing the rest of your life with criticism. Body image and self-esteem can influence your level of comfort around many aspects of your life.

So, back to my original question, how do you look at yourself in the mirror? How are you viewing other parts of your life? If not in a positive manner, I hope you'll read the article, and you'll be kinder to yourself and view yourself in a different light. If the mirror is your friend, I'm happy to hear that. Either way, share the article and see yourself as worthy and beautiful because you are.

In love and health,

Vonie

Food Is Medicine, Or Is It?

As many of you know, in late 2018, I sustained a knee injury that changed my life substantially. As a fitness professional and long-distance runner, it was a very emotional time for me. It took months to determine that the knee injury was cancer—the diagnosis; stage one, Non-Hodgkin's Large Diffused B-Cell Lymphoma.

After all the years I taught fitness classes, trained clients, and educated anyone who would listen about living a healthy lifestyle, it came as a shock to find out I had cancer, as I walked the talk! Once the shock wore off, my mind went to how the F&*K did this happen? I researched the cancer diagnosis. Who gets it? Why do they get it? What are the causes? What are my chances of beating it, etc.?!! In all honesty, I sometimes still find myself in shock and thinking, "Wow, I had cancer"!

Other than chemical exposure, I don't have any other things that can cause the type of cancer I had. I did have years of exposure to cleaning chemicals, as I owned a cleaning business for 17 years. I'm sure down the road, there will be studies and lawsuits on those products' harmful effects. I did have exposure to Round Up, as I used the product for weed control.

Food is medicine, or is it?

In 2006, Glyphosate was introduced to our food supply system. It wasn't until years later that the issues with this agricultural chemical were brought to light. At the time, and unaware, I thought I was eating healthy processed foods; bread, cereals, flour, and many other grain products that are sprayed with Glyphosate.

Food isn't supposed to make us sick!! Clean, healthy eating can help with a whole host of issues and keep us from getting sick. I, like you, was vulnerable to our nation's food supply. We still are! However, now that studies prove the side effects and the diseases caused by Glyphosate, we can do something about it, as the food industry IS NOT!

We can choose to …

I would encourage you not to take my word for it but listen to the people who are advocating for us to have healthier food supplies and live healthier lives. One of my favorite people who is supporting us is Dr. Mark Hyman. In a recent post, Dr. Mark Hyman wrote,

"The most widely used pesticide in our food supply is Glyphosate. It's used worldwide on more than 70 different food crops, including corn, soy, and wheat, and is linked to some serious health risks, including non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. It's terrifying to consider that a bowl of Cheerios has more Glyphosate per serving than vitamins D and B12, both of which are added to try to boost nutritional value".

You can find the post and podcast here.

Today, I choose healthier foods. It's not easy. Some days I want to grab that quick thing to eat and not take the time to prepare a meal that doesn't have processed foods. What I found to be helpful is …

You'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel once you are eating whole foods and not eating the processed stuff they call food.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments on this issue.

In Health,
Vonie

P.S. if you haven't heard about the "Dirty Dozen," here is a list of foods that are considered dirty and a list that is deemed to be dirty. When it comes to the dirty food list, purchase organic to avoid the pesticides.

The EWG "Dirty Dozen" list includes:
• Strawberries
• Spinach
• Kale
• Nectarines
• Apples
• Grapes
• Peaches
• Cherries
• Pears
• Tomatoes
• Celery
• Potatoes

The EWG "Clean 15" list includes:
• Avocados
• Sweet corn
• Pineapple
• Onions
• Papaya
• Sweet peas (frozen)
• Eggplants
• Asparagus
• Cauliflower
• Cantaloupes
• Broccoli
• Mushrooms
• Cabbage
• Honeydew melon
• Kiwi

How to Lose Weight - The Struggle is Real

Do you find yourself wanting to lose weight and struggling to do so? Do you feel sluggish throughout the day? Do you step on the scale and think OMG?

You seriously aren't alone. I've heard so many women say; I'm too fat. I hate how I feel. I want to lose weight. I'm tired of being this way. I've heard it from family, friends, clients, and people I have met at social gatherings. Heck, I've even said it myself. The struggle is real.

More often than not, the women I contact with are passing judgment on themselves and feeling shame because they aren't meeting their personal vision of living a healthy life.

How do we change so that we can lose that unwanted weight? What does it take to get up off the couch and go for a walk? What does it take to get in the gym and workout? How do we get the scale to show us results that don't result in OMG!

Before I answer those questions, let's talk about resistance to change.

Change is hard for many people, even when they say they want it. Why is that?

Fear of the unknown – Change means a different direction, and if you don't know what it's going to be like on the other side of what it is you say you want, you may decide it's too scary.

Dealing with change – If you don't have a plan or a direction, change is difficult. If you have some guidance and support, it will be more comfortable, and progress is more likely.

Different stages of change – There are five different stages of change. Which stage you are in will help determine what your next steps are. (Awe, another blog post ideas is forming with this one)

Familiarity, safety, security, and connection – If I change now, what does that mean for my life? It's easier to maintain the status quo. There's a sense of comfort doing the same thing you've always done. Although not making changes will give you the same results.

Old patterns and beliefs are sometimes hard to find – If you are stuck in an old habit or are dealing with limiting beliefs and aren't sure how to overcome them, you'll be more likely to resist change.

So, you can see that getting on board with the idea of change is what it's going to take to get that scale to budge. To get up off the couch and go for a walk, or (insert here what it is you're not doing).

So, how do we change?

Perform an honest evaluation of yourself – For change to happen, we must tell ourselves the truth. Be realistic about what is working well and what is not. When we are honest, we grow, and positive change is reinforced.

Breakthrough the denial – Denial does and always will limit the possibility of change. By admitting weakness, you can face it head-on and work towards changing patterns.

Right-Size Your Reality – Self-evaluation isn't easy or fun. Yet, while undergoing self-evaluation, let go of shame and blame. We don't have to live with the way things have been. We can change the way things are. The point is this: We can love ourselves while we make changes.

A motive is everything – Without a motive, we are doomed to fail. Have a dream worthy of your expression and to experience. What do you love enough to change for? Your kids, your health, or perhaps your work is enough reason to change.

What you resist persists – Ruminating on what you don't have is energy wasted and keeps us stuck in the past.

Be realistic – Set the bar high, but not so high that it can't be achieved. We want our dreams to give us pause, to make our palms sweat, and to create excitement.

Commitment – A goal/dream is more significant when it is of our own. One created by another increases the risk of non-compliance.

The 80/20 rule – Let food, water, sleep, good habits, right relationship with yourself and others, and movement be guided 80% of the time and reserve the other 20% for unexpected stuff that shows up.

Have an accountability buddy – When we are held accountable, we are more likely to take action. Find a friend, a coach, a program, anything that will help keep you accountable for the actions that will move you forward.

Celebrate – Celebrate the small victories along the way to keep the motivation high and the dream alive and enjoy your lifelong journey to your "becoming."

Earl Nightingale was quoted saying, "Success is when YOU achieve a quality of life that YOU want for yourself. It doesn't have to be money, but money can be part of it. It doesn't have to be material things, but material things can be part of it". I would add, it doesn't have to be weight loss, but weight loss can be part of it. It doesn't have to be exercise, but exercise can be part of it.

Five weeks ago, six women on a self-discovery journey started the program One Size Fits None, Right-Size Your Reality. They have made new friends. They have made friends with themselves. They have discovered what was holding them hostage. They have declared victory over the scale, the weight, the lack of commitment to themselves, and who they wanted to become.

I've got a proposition for you. If you are ready to face the challenges, get up and get moving towards what you say you want, I've got a program that will help you do just that. One Size Fits None, Right-Size Your Reality will help you face your fears. It will give you a starting point. It will help you shape your dreams and goals to fit your reality of health and wellness. It will get you moving, eating healthier, and have a great awareness of YOU.

Meet me where you are currently at with all the resistances you have, and let's see if together we can't help you declare what your dreams are and how you can make them a reality!

It's never too late to start.

In health,

Vonie

The Language of Our Lives

Do you ever wonder why you think the things you think and say the things you say? I did and still do. As a teenager and as a young adult, I remember thinking and saying negative things to myself – something like I’m too fat? Why can’t I do anything right? You’re not good enough or smart enough.

It was all crap and made me feel bad and miserable about myself.

Today, if a negative thought or question comes to my mind, I zap it immediately. I don’t give it the space to pull me down. If I had, I’d be playing too small in life. I wouldn’t have gone to college at the age of 43. I wouldn’t have stood in front of a group of fitness students when all I wanted to do was puke and run out the door. I wouldn’t have become a Pilates instructor or managed a college fitness center. You get the point! If I had bought into all of the negative self-talk I’ve given myself over my lifetime. I’d have done none of those things!

The language of negative self-talk, where does it come from anyway?

Let’s start here –

Our brain provides us with five languages. They are the languages of our lives – sight, sound, taste, smell, and feelings. The brain is continuously engaging in conversation and sending pictures to create the reality of YOUR world and ONLY yours. As we sift and filter through the language, our minds are shaping our world. My world is different from your world.

Negative self-talk also comes from our beliefs, which influence our thinking, feelings, and, eventually, our behaviors.

Here’s an example of how our feelings are created – We start some internal dialogue, and at this point, you are the only one thinking or talking to yourself. Then an external stimulus presents itself. Perhaps it’s the neighbor’s tv being played too loud in the apartment next to you, or the kids wake up grumpy. It could be anything, right.

The sensory input triggers the brain. You put meaning to whatever it is, and immediately emotions are triggered, and then a feeling is created. It happens so fast, and no matter what the inner dialogue is, it’s always taking place.

There is also this thing called Negativity Bias.

Our brain tends to focus on the negativity of a situation, dwell on it, and experience the pain versus reveling in the joy, adoration, or praise given.

Here are an example – Teaching fitness classes, I was subject to the students' thoughts and feelings about my teaching. Twenty or more students could love what I taught, and one student wouldn’t. The sting of the negative experience had more effect on me than the positives.

 

“The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” ~ Rick Hanson

 

In a nutshell, we are the authors of our feelings. Our brains, minds, and body are complex. They are all talking to each other, and when one is out of sync, the other two will follow.

So, what does all this negativity do to our Health? It…

* Increases anxiety
* Weakens our immune system
* Reduces ambition

Chronic stress cancels out healthy living benefits, so tell the negative self-talk to take a hike.

Try this on – You aren’t the boss of me. I don’t have to listen to you. Who do you think you are coming into my brain and disrupting my flow? Get lost!

How do I change the negative self-talk to a positive one?

The first step is understanding; we go from stimuli to – interpretation/meaning to – feelings/emotions too – reactive behavior.

Secondly, slow down your thoughts, go back to the thought, examine it, name it, and then tap the temple and say to yourself, Clean, Clear, Delete. Then reframe it and change the thought.

For example, I’m miserable becomes; I’m working on being happy.

Here are some more ways to put a positive spin on thoughts

Distract Yourself – intentionally do something different. Allow your mind to focus on something positive and productive and move away from negative thoughts or pain.

Affirmations are also known to be a powerhouse in helping to replace negative thoughts. Know that what you say to yourself matters significantly.

Savor the Positive – We don’t always have negativity, so hang on to the decisive moments a little longer and let them simmer and bring joy.

Here’s an Exercise in Change. Give It a Go!

What Do You Like About Yourself?

Have a seat. Sit back, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Now take a couple more. Keep your eyes closed and ask yourself, what do I like about myself? Pick something that you know to be true for you.

What was it? Could you write it down? Then take a moment to reflect on what it is you like about you. Look at the behavior and qualities that come with the statement of what you like.

They are clues to you. They are details. They are important. Try them on in different aspects of your life. Embrace that part of you. Find more opportunities to be that person.

Taking a deeper dive

If you want to dive deeper into making positive changes and personal growth, start with examining your inner belief system. It will tell you a lot.

A couple of good questions to ask yourself: where did that negative voice come from? Whose voice is it that I hear when I talk negatively to myself? If you would like some help in taking a deeper dive, I’m here to assist.

If you take nothing away from this post, remember this, when we engage in negative self-talk, we are limiting ourselves and sometimes those around us. We are not living up to our full potential.

Cheer yourself onward and upward. It takes attention, self-discipline, and practice to stop the negativity, but it can be done.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post.

In Health,

Vonie

8 Keys to Mending a Broken Heart

Your best friend moves away, a loved one passes, you lost a job, a child goes off to college, a spouse is unfaithful, you didn't meet your goals, or perhaps you were burdened with adulthood too early in life. The list is endless as to why hearts break.

How we experience pain is emotionally universal. We long for what we no longer have! It hurts so deep; the pain is indescribable and, at times, unbearable - often leading to shutting down.

At some time in our life, we will all experience the pain of a broken heart!

What is different from person to person is how we handle the loss, the grief, the pain, and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. If we get stuck in, releasing that which has caused us pain or trauma, we move towards that shutdown. Thus, the healing of a broken heart stops and leaves us the potential for emotional and physical withdrawal, complicated emotional responses, difficulty in future relationships, anxiety, depression, weight gain, and, if left untreated, can last our lifetime.

The good news is that no matter your circumstance, you'll move towards mending your broken heart with some determination to move through the pain.

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist, a pioneer in near-death studies, and best-selling author wrote about her theory on The Five Stages of Grief in her book, On Death and Dying.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are all part of the five stages. They are considered tools to help identify and frame our feelings. They are as varied as we are. Each one of us will move through the various stages on different timelines and in different orders. Some stages will repeat over and over again.

So, allow yourself the time, let criticism and self-judgment go, find kindness towards yourself, stay in the present, be curious about who you are and who you want to be, find time to listen to your internal dialogue, ask yourself, "What's Next"? Know that time is on your side. You will get through this if you give yourself time, freedom, and grace.

8 Keys to Mending a Broken Heart:

The Gift of Time –
Heartache isn't going to go away overnight. You may want to hide out and withdraw from life; however, hiding away from the world won't mend a broken heart. There is an old saying that "time heals all," and there is some truth to that.

Ride the Wave of Emotions –
Avoid stuffing your emotions. Let them out! Cry when and if you feel like it. Scream into a pillow. Beat a bat against the bed – anything safe to let those emotions out. Don't hold onto them. It won't serve you well to keep them!

Get Out & Have Some Fun –
Start a new workout routine – moving your body is fantastic for emotional recovery. Go hiking with some friends, get a new haircut, lose some unwanted pounds, or hang out with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Whatever it is, give yourself the gift of time you need to heal.

Volunteer –
Volunteering your time can help you get out of your head, which is not the same as avoiding pain. This one puts you in the mindful zone—what a great way to help yourself by helping others.

Make Yourself a Priority –
Who were you before the heartache began? If you are a mom whose child just went off to college or, in my case, a mom whose son moved away to Japan, what do you do next with an empty house? You served your children; now it's time for you to become the priority.

Maybe it was a breakup – you gave your time to the relationship, the mutual friends, or their friends. How do you get back to you? Set a course of action, schedule it, plan it, prepare for it, most of all, DO it!

You get the point; you are now the priority. Treat yourself like you are!

Be Mindful –
Deep breathing, meditation, movement are all ways you can manage the unpleasantness of heartache. As you move throughout your day, listen to your body, practice taking your time, pay attention to sensations, taste food, the colors of the world, stay in the present, relax and find joy in each day. The little things in life can bring us so much joy if we allow ourselves to open up to what is.

Talk it out –
If you find yourself not moving past the heartache stressors, perhaps it's time to find the help of a professional. Working with a therapist or coach is a viable option for professional help in today's world. What is important is that you find someone who can listen without giving unsolicited advice, someone who can listen without judgment or criticism of the situation or you, and if there's another person involved – no judging them as well.

What's Next –
While you are working through the five stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, ask yourself:

  1. What's next?
  2. Who do I want to be?
  3. How do I want to show up in the world?
  4. How do I want to be treated?
  5.  What are my dreams, my passions, and my values?

Start where you are with yourself and your truth, and as time passes, you'll have awakened yourself to new possibilities, found a deeper connection with self, and a peace of mind you didn't have before the heartache began. With clarity comes new opportunities.

You are enough! You are loved!

Vonie

Permission Granted

Permission Granted

Did you want to stay in bed today, or was it simply you got up?

In the early weeks of Shelter-In-Place, I took an optimistic approach to each day with grand plans to accomplish a laundry list of items. I would jump out of bed, make the bed, and then I would get busy. There was so much to catch up on, so many projects to complete, and a workout routine to renew.

As the days passed, I found some mornings staying in bed felt pretty good, so I would permit myself to stay put a little longer. Other mornings I would find myself with my phone in hand, scrolling through social media, looking to connect with a world I could not have physical contact with, and I was okay.

Then there were those mornings when my optimism was faded. The nagging and tugging would start as my mind engaged in a battle of wills. Listen up; you've got to get your butt out of bed. You've got things to do, blog posts to write, the COVID-19 five pounds to rid yourself of, you NEED to go for a walk, you know if you don't do it now, you might not do it. All while the other half of my mind was exclaiming, "no," just a little longer. It won't hurt anyone or anything; you could use more sleep. Blah, blah, blah.

I'm betting I'm not alone in the battle of wills, as I'm sure there are plenty of us engaging in the nagging and tugging of the mind's blah, blah, blahs. That led me to ask myself questions I might ask of a life coaching client if faced with a similar situation.

You get the idea.

Asking better questions and using a different way of thinking dispels the negative talk and shifts a person’s perspective. Permitting yourself to either stay in bed without guilt or simply get up, make the bed, and then get moving will go a long way in feeling better about your days.

A note about making the bed – I know for some people that coffee is the first ingredient of the day, and perhaps making the bed isn’t even on the list of priorities. However, before you throw the idea out the window, consider Retired U.S. Navy Admiral SEAL William H. McRaven, who wrote the New York Times bestseller “Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...and Maybe the World.” He believes making the bed is one of the more important things he learned while training to be a Navy SEAL. He also believes that you’ll have accomplished one small task that can bring meaning to the little things in life.

For me, it feels good to make my bed EVERY morning. So, if you’re not a bed maker, give it a go. See if it changes how you feel about your day and if it doesn’t lead to a sense of pride and move you on to another task that will encourage you to do another and then another.

During quarantine life, I even went so far as to make this video of me making the bed. When I was a kid, my mom taught my sister and me a particular bed-making method, which I do in this video and still do each morning. I hope you enjoy the lighthearted silliness of the video and perhaps make the bed this way and see if it puts a spring in your step.

If you permit yourself to stay in bed, then stay in bed, guilt-free. Set some parameters for yourself, lay back, relax, go back to sleep, read, listen to music, write in a journal, snuggle up with your partner, or whatever your heart desires.
Rid yourself of the guilt and enjoy the time in bed. One thing is for sure. Time is something we have right now.

If you are not a bed maker and give this a go, I'd love to hear from you about how the experience of making your bed changes things for you.

Happy bed making,

Vonie